So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
