i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
