he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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