Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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