this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
