She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Drunk is not a location!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
