you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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