Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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