i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
