Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
