I'm really into asian looking animals
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
