the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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