omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize