you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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