You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
