those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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