Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
