The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
