There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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