If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
