so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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