I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
