took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize