i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
