I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
