It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
