is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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