cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
