how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
