she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
