i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
