You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
