He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
