Tell her she can't have a vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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