don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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