Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
