Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize