you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
