I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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