I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
