Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
