This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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