with your own penis?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
