We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
