Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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