The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
