I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
