I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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