Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
