Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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