dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
