dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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