Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
