my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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