i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
