and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
