alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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