Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize