I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
