I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
