Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The struggles of a small town man whore
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
