He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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