It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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