my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
