Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
