I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
