I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
