i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
