Your tits are I can't wait for
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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