pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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