If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
