He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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