Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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