i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
