sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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